stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
