I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
