I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize