Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Oh god it's open bar.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
