I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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