I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Bring me that man meat
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
