Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
