What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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