Im at strip club and am horny
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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