did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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