All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Drunk is not a location!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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