drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
