So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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