he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
