Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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