____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
