either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
