sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
