imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
