Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
