Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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