I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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