she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
