So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
