i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
