I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
