His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
