Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Everything about him screamed your future.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
