I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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