how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
