If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
