Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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