You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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