There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
