I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
