my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
