Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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