med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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