I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize