I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
