OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
