What did we do last night that was yellow?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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