I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
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