No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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