thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
did i just pee glitter
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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