you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
