I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
