Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
