Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
