i don't plan on having that self control this summer
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So many bounce houses so little time
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
