watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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