you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
