The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
