I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
