First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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