just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
