we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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