I think I am morally bankrupt
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
