We won't sleep together?
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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