I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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