Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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