i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
