We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize