she smelled like a LAN party
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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