so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
