Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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